MarioKart

Growing up in the age of video games, I should be well versed in Mario. . .should be. . . but I am not. I never had an Atari, never had a Commodore 64, Nintendo or anything else. My parents believed a funfree austere atmosphere was best for children.

Recently, I bought Ethan a Wii. Then I bought him Tiger Woods golf. Turned out the Tiger Woods golf was a bit too complicated, so I have only played it once.

The BIG Wii breathrough came this weekend when my neighbor loaned us (or gave -- I am not sure which) MarioKart. THIS THING IS THE BEST.

If Ethan likes it, it is great. And Ethan loves it. and my wife likes it, and I love it. So, now we have some family game nite stuff to work with. Good times. Twenty years past my video game prime I am suddenly catching on to the fad.

Office work

Ever wonder what the inside workings of a powerful prestigious Dallas law firm are like? I have decided to give you a glimpse by sharing a recent email that was circulated firmwide.

Subject: DIET COKE

Who drinks Sprite? I have never seen a single solitary soul in this office drink Sprite. . . Yet, we have about four cases -- cases-- of sprite in the refrigerator. All that ridiculous Sprite leaves very little room for DIET COKE. DIET COKE is better than Sprite. It is far superior for two reasons: I drink it and so does Blocker.

The new refrigerated beverage mix should be as follows:

DIET COKE : 88%

Coke : 12%

If someone wants a Sprite, they'll have to drink it warm.

Bobs

Da bobs. Let's say there is a blizzard. We're playing the New York giants, and our players are twelve inches tall, but we got the Bobs and he's full sized. . .I'll take da Bobs.

Who is da Bobs? Bobs is Lynzy's co-habitant. Boyfriend. O-sh!#.

Good news though. Bobs is a fine fella. He ordered this laptop for me. He also ordered me to write this.

Bobs is a good dude. I will tell you that his taste is footwear is a bit debatable. If the worst thing you have to say about a fella is his footwear is debatable, you probably got a good dude on your hands.

Serious peeps, I could not be happier that my daughter is dating a fine fella like Bobs. Note to all you single ladies out there -- remember what makes a difference. Compassion, devotion and general good heartedness are the finest qualities you can find in a man.

Note to Bobs: give up on the dirtbike, it ain't gonna happen for a while. . .

Child proofing

This is not about contraception. It is about one couple's enduring struggle to maintain sanity in the home. We have a son who dearly loves slamming doors and drawers. Cabinet doors. Slam. Door. Slam. Drawer. Slam. Slam slam slam I am. Seuss would love this plot line. He could do so much with it.

We spent the first few weeks/months getting used to the behavior. We spent the next ten months trying to correct it with every tool in our behavior adjustment toolbox. Persist it did. Now, we have entered into a new phase. We have accepted our inability to remedy this behavior. It is now time for def-con 5.

When you're in a deep hole and need an ally to resolve an unresolvable problem, no ordinary ally will do. What you need at that point is a nine hundred pound gorilla who has no feelings. Walmart. Perfect. Sixty dollars later, we had an arsenal or every child proofing lock and latch known to mankind.

Now, the cabinet and drawer slamming should soon cease. To be replaced with the constant aggravation and irritation of being nearly locked out of most of our house. . . That's where the other purchase I made at Walmart comes in handy. I'm drinking one now.

Pithy and Germaine

In college (at the Harvard of the South -- UT Arlington) I had a wonderful professor who once called one of my term papers "pithy and germaine." I have come to appreciate over the years how right she was. I took it as a compliment, which it may or may not have been. Nonetheless, my communicative style is direct, without much regard to prose. My writing is no different from my speech, which, sometimes if too quick to the point and direct.

In law school, contracts was my favorite class (first year). I seemed to excel in it for no apparent reason. My grade - based on one test- for the first semester was a B. I asked the prof what the problem was. In a box in his office were all the exam papers. He had me find mine and pull it out. Without ever reading it he suggested the reason for the B. The test paper was too short. Pithy and germaine not working for me in contracts. Next exam. . . I wrote neat little paragraphs and lots of them. Repeated myself to amplify the appearance of my answers. A.

I mention this by way of apology and explanation. I have been reading other blogs which have glorious narrative and prose. Mine is without either. Sorry. Can't help it.

So, hopefully, you like pithy and germaine. If you want prose, narrative and metaphors, I'll recommend some sites for you. I also promise to keep the Navajo tradition alive wi9th no less than one typo per post.

Thankful

Since becoming a father the people I appreciate most are the people who treat my kids the best. If you have kids, you probably feel the same way, whether you have acknowledged it before or not. In another time, I likely appreciated myself more than other people. You know, that American way of perceiving yourself as a self made man (or woman) despite the army of people that raised you, fed you, taught you and provided you opportunity. It was not until recently that I actually realized that I was only a part of my success. (I use that term in a limited sense.) That realization was only after I had children and realized how many people are important in a child's life.

My wife and I are blessed to live in a place where children are cherished. Both our kids have special needs. we have become part of the DS community locally. We keep up with a number of parents in other locales who have to fight kicking and screaming to get their children what they deserve. Here, my wife and I never have to ask, argue, beg or threaten. Our children are provided with what they need simply because some caring loving people see to it. I never realized how important these people are. I do now.

My oldest son is quite the charmer. At school, he is known in all hallways, by kids of sll grades, parents and teachers. ("I'm known in all five burroughs. Ask anyone about Lucky from Mulberry Street.") Everyone greets Ethan with a good morning. How cool is that? It is the product again of a deliberate effort to make sure all the kids in the school are treated as special and included. Man, that is cool.

Ethan has a full time aid that has tended to his extra needs for the past three years. Thank you. He has a parent friend who greets him everyone morning with a smile and a hug, sometimes helps walk him in. Thank you. He has teachers that consider his best interest as their foremost priority. Thank you. He has friends at school that accept him in the sweetest way. Thank you.

Nothing is better than to see people treat your children like the best thing in the world. It's the thing that makes me happiest in life and more thankful than anything.

PooPoo

Ahhh. Poopoo time. The best time of the day. If you have n0thing else to look forward to in your day, look forward to a good bm. And count yourself lucky. Not everyone has such comfort. Crohns, etc. Regularity is a good thing.

If you have children, I know you appreciate a few quiet minutes. In the few minutes, you should think about teaching your child to appreciate poopoo time. here's how we do it: The lil'un saddles up. . . I enthusiastically stand nearby and await to be told what to sing. It used to be Bare Necessities, lately it's been This Old Man. . . Then, once my song is picked, we do a little sing along. Makes poopoo time fun. Almost as fun as a few quiet minutes.

Introductions and golf.

Hello. My wife has a blog. I decided I wanted my own. Here it is.

This blog is a husband and father's perspective on family life. Plenty of sarcasm soon coming your way.

So, here I am with my dell mini cranking up a blog. Watching Madagascar for the 400th time with my eight year old. He's laying on my elbow sucking his thumb as we speak. He's a tired bug today. (You! higher mammal -- can u read?)

We have been learning how to golf. So far, we have achieved mastery of divots. Here's what I have learned:
Hitting chunks of mulch is more fun than hitting the ball.
If we do hit the ball, it must always be aimed at the street.
The person holding the club has the right of way, all others duck or move.
Three misses in a row gives you permission to pick the ball up and throw it.
Golf is a great sport. . . until you play it, then it's dumb.

More to come tomorrow my peeps.